So hopefully you will all still love me after reading this and not think that I'm a bad person or think less of me. Maybe it's just the hormones of being pregnant, but lately I have been REALLY worried about having another baby. Many thoughts and worries are constantly running through my head, but the biggest one has been how can I love this baby as much as I love Kylee? I have been genuinely concerned about this. Every time I've mentioned it to another mom she has reassured me that you don't have to share your love, it just multiplies. But then I've also been really sad that I have to give up time with Kylee for another child (Horrible huh!). I think that Kylee was such a miracle to us and we waited so long for her, that my pregnancy with her was much more cherished. This time around we were really surprised and maybe not as ready. Not that we're not as happy or excited for this baby, but definitely feeling a lot more unprepared, scared, and overwhelmed.
Today my dear Aunt Heidi sent me this clip in an email that just really made me super excited for another baby. Kylee isn't little anymore, and I am so blessed to get another sweet spirit in my home. I'm FINALLY feeling like I can't wait for this little guy to get here. These innocent spirits are such blessings to us. They remind us of what's really important in life and about the simple pleasures. I'm totally embarrassed that I've even kind of dreaded another baby. I'm SO lucky. I'm still sure it will be hard at times, as all things are, but now I've finally received the confirmation that I can do this and that the joys of motherhood WAY out weigh the sorrows.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
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4 comments:
Mandy, you will make a great mother to two kids. I think about having another child almost everyday right now and giving Ava a sibling. Some of the same thoughts that you have are some of the same that cross my mind all the time.
Remember, you are such a wonderful loving person to everyone! Now, you'll have double the love to show both these wonderful little sprirts! Loves always!!!!
Mandy,
The feelings you are having are TOTALLY normal! Don't stress and feel guilty. Guilt is an entirely useless emotion! Just hang in there and know that you are not alone. We love you and have all the confidence in the world that you will be a great mother. (just one with lots on her plate right now!) relax and realize you will still be able to have special times with Kylee after brother gets here.
Heidi
Mandy... I feel the same way now. Thinking of having another kid scares me! And it is all about Hailey. I love her so much I want it to always be about her. You described it better than I can.
Mandy... from the moment I got pregnant with Gavin I felt guilty because I was thinking the same thoughts. Conner was my everything and I spent all day every day doing whatever I could to love him, teach him and make him happy... how would I ever find the time for two... You never know how anything will be until it happens, but the moment Gavin was born I had the same rush of overwhelmingly happy emotions that I had when I had Conner and it's been that way ever since. I love them both so much and because babies sleep all the time you'll still get plenty of time to spend with Kylee. The one sad thing is you have so much on your plate that you actually start feeling bad for the second one that you can't enjoy them being a baby as much as you did the first one. You will do just fine and I promise it comes as naturally as it did the first time. Picture your family.. Do you think that your mom loved her first child more than the rest of you?? Being a mother comes with loving all your children. The minute you see him you will never have that thought again. I promise. Love ya. Oh and I have some baby boy clothes for you whenever we can get around to getting together. And good job on your blood pressure!
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