March Fun

Of course we can't talk about March fun without talking about this handsome dude.  Curtis turned 35 on the 4th and we had a great day celebrating him.  He is a great husband and awesome father and we are so lucky to have him in our life.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY CURTIS!!!

We love to hike and since things are starting to warm up with spring we take advantage of the warmer days and get our butts up the mountain.  We love discovering new trails and letting the dogs all run free.  

Everything is pretty dead and dry still, but signs of spring are slowly showing up.  

Kylee and I loved this show.  Kylee is such a sweet and kind girl and is not always treated the same way by other girls her age.  She is A LOT like her mom...and that makes me feel really bad for her sometimes.  

We have all had this horrible flu that has been going around.  Kylee missed a whole week of school because of it and Cannon had it over the weekend but still ended up missing some school.  I'm not sure I worked much of the month of March to be honest with you.  We all started to feel better FINALLY.  

We love to walk the dogs around the neighborhood every night.  I think sunsets are the most beautiful thing in the world.  I LOVE THEM!!!

We got to watch Baby H be blessed and it was a very special day.  She is the cutest baby ever and we love her with all our heart.  She has some pretty amazing parents too.  

Curtis played on a hockey league this year and I'm pretty sure the kids and I loved it more than he did.  We really loved watching him play and cheering for him and his team....even when they would have bad game.  

It was fun to watch him play with old friends and I really hope he will get the opportunity to do it again next season.  

The month ended pretty sadly with me heading into an unexpected surgery to remove some kidney stones...which ended up being too risky to get them all and me still having to do lithotripsy and passing over 15 stones in a weeks time.  I also got a kidney infection on top of that and lets just say it was miserable and sucky.  :)  My sister Tonya just happened to be in town and it was a good thing too.  Between Curtis being at work and my parents taking care of my kiddos it was very nice to have someone with me during the whole ordeal.  Thank heavens for sisters.  

Toe Story

One day...at work...we decided to take a daring, scary adventure, and walk to lunch.  

While we were walking, this big old sidewalk jumped up and totally attacked me.  It hit my toe right on and I knew right away it was not ok.  

This is what it looked like 1 hour after the "incident".

Of course it was a Friday and by the time we got home my regular doctor was closed so it was a trip to the InstaCare.  

It's broke...and this is the lovely shoe I get to wear while it heals.  

I have ugly feet anyway, but this just kept getting worse and worse.  

It's amazing how much we use our toes.  It made pretty much everything I usually do a struggle.  Stupid ugly toe.  

Even 2 months later writing this post it is STILL super sore doesn't look normal.  I'm afraid it will never be normal again.  

Freaking Health

I really hate talking about my health...but here's a quick update.  Long story short - we've started radiation treatments for the AVM and are still working on my heart issues.  I get monitored every Friday and although there is a lot of crap to still deal with, things are getting a little better every day. I just try to enjoy every second of the good days and try to gracefully endure the bad ones.  I can't say enough how thankful I am for my awesome kids and husband and the amazing people I have in my life.  I really do have great people in my life and I would be nothing without them.  My trials are a lot easier to endure with their love and support.  So, THANK YOU to everyone in my life.  I truly love you!!!

Seriously....how sexy is this get up?!?!?  

Freaking Health Update

Met with the neurosurgeon today and the most recent MRI's they did on me showed some abnormalities in my circulatory system.  Long  story short, he thinks there is a good possibility I have a hole in my heart.  Before we can treat the AVM, I have to have an ultrasound on my heart.  :(  Not really the news I was hoping for.  

The good news is...there IS a simple and great plan to treat the AVM once my heart is cleared up.  I also got some new drugs for the pain that so far today are helping me find some relief.  So even though there is an extra obstacle to over come...the finish line is near.  He was very adamant that he can fix me and have me back to my normal self.  BEST NEWS EVER.  I will do whatever it takes to get back to a healthy, happy me.  I know that I am blessed beyond what I deserve.  

There is a song that says "you only get what you give."  I think that is a lie.  I have got WAY more from people than I deserve and way more than I have ever given to them.  My heart is heavy and full at the same time.  I feel unworthy of the kindness and love and blessings that have been given to me yet so extremely grateful for them.  I couldn't do this without them.  It inspires me to get better quick, so I can start paying the love forward.  

Freaking Health

It seriously pains me to be writing this post right now.  I have tried so hard to be so healthy.  I try hard to eat clean and exercise more than regularly since becoming a personal trainer and health has been my main focus the past year and a half.  I decided after my cancer battle that I wasn't going to ever be that weak and decrepit ever again.  I am VERY proud of my body and the changes I have made and I felt better than I ever had in my life.  Sadly, it doesn't always matter what we do or think.  There are just some things completely out of our control.  

I have always had occasional migraines throughout my life.  When I was prego with Kylee they got really bad.  I also had preclampsia with Kylee so that made sense.  The extra high blood pressure enlarges your blood vessels and makes you hurt everywhere.  Sometime in January I started getting migraines daily.  My regular migraine meds weren't helping so I went and saw my family doctor.  He gave me a different prescription but they didn't help at all.  Then he gave me a shot of toradol (HEAVEN) and that helped big time...for about 24 hours.  The migraines were NEVER going away.  If you have had a migraine before, you know how debilitating they can be.  Now imagine never getting relief.  This has been my hell for the past two+ months.  

After a CT scan, followed by multiple MRI's...I was diagnosed with a brain AVM.  Basically it's where a cluster of blood vessels are tangled and causing improper blood flow throughout my brain.  My brain is getting the oxygen it needs, but at the expense of my other blood vessels.  They are extremely enlarged.  The extra pressure on my blood vessels can cause them to burst at any time, causing brain bleeds and strokes.  The picture below is a great diagram of what is going on inside my head.  I am in constant pain...even with major pain pills.  

My doctor has told me it's extremely important everyone in my life knows about my condition and to make sure they know the signs of stroke so they can help me if/when I have one.  The most painful conversation I have ever had is telling my 7 and 5 year-old the signs of stroke and what to do if mommy has one.  I am an independant and private person.  It has been really hard for me to deal with this.  I have had to stop working out completely and must keep my heart rate as low as possible.  I am meeting with the top vascular neurosurgeon in Northern Utah tomorrow and I can't wait to see what he can do to help me.  Vascular Neurosurgeon are hard to come by and it has been a long and painful 3 weeks waiting to get in to see him.  (That was them RUSHING me in.  It usually takes about 6 months to see this dude.) I spend most of my days in my dark bedroom just laying in bed or drugged.  It is not a life I want to lead at all.  It has been pure hell.  I am incredibly blessed with awesome kids who pretty much take care of themselves AND me.  Curtis has stepped way up and not only works nights but takes great care of me, the kids, and the house.  I have amazing family and friends and co-workers who have been there for me every second I've needed them.  There have been so many cards, flowers, messages, meals, favors, blessings and miracles along the way that I am overwhelmed.   

Thanks for all your prayers and good thoughts.  I know they make a difference.  I can feel your love and concern and it is honestly what has helped me get through this stupid ordeal.  I am SO anxious to find some relief from this constant pain in my head and to get back to my normal self again.  It's discouraging to see all my hard work on my body disappear so quickly, but I also know that as soon as I can, I will be back to kicking butt again.  I got this!!!