It seriously pains me to be writing this post right now. I have tried so hard to be so healthy. I try hard to eat clean and exercise more than regularly since becoming a personal trainer and health has been my main focus the past year and a half. I decided after my cancer battle that I wasn't going to ever be that weak and decrepit ever again. I am VERY proud of my body and the changes I have made and I felt better than I ever had in my life. Sadly, it doesn't always matter what we do or think. There are just some things completely out of our control.
I have always had occasional migraines throughout my life. When I was prego with Kylee they got really bad. I also had preclampsia with Kylee so that made sense. The extra high blood pressure enlarges your blood vessels and makes you hurt everywhere. Sometime in January I started getting migraines daily. My regular migraine meds weren't helping so I went and saw my family doctor. He gave me a different prescription but they didn't help at all. Then he gave me a shot of toradol (HEAVEN) and that helped big time...for about 24 hours. The migraines were NEVER going away. If you have had a migraine before, you know how debilitating they can be. Now imagine never getting relief. This has been my hell for the past two+ months.
After a CT scan, followed by multiple MRI's...I was diagnosed with a brain AVM. Basically it's where a cluster of blood vessels are tangled and causing improper blood flow throughout my brain. My brain is getting the oxygen it needs, but at the expense of my other blood vessels. They are extremely enlarged. The extra pressure on my blood vessels can cause them to burst at any time, causing brain bleeds and strokes. The picture below is a great diagram of what is going on inside my head. I am in constant pain...even with major pain pills.
My doctor has told me it's extremely important everyone in my life knows about my condition and to make sure they know the signs of stroke so they can help me if/when I have one. The most painful conversation I have ever had is telling my 7 and 5 year-old the signs of stroke and what to do if mommy has one. I am an independant and private person. It has been really hard for me to deal with this. I have had to stop working out completely and must keep my heart rate as low as possible. I am meeting with the top vascular neurosurgeon in Northern Utah tomorrow and I can't wait to see what he can do to help me. Vascular Neurosurgeon are hard to come by and it has been a long and painful 3 weeks waiting to get in to see him. (That was them RUSHING me in. It usually takes about 6 months to see this dude.) I spend most of my days in my dark bedroom just laying in bed or drugged. It is not a life I want to lead at all. It has been pure hell. I am incredibly blessed with awesome kids who pretty much take care of themselves AND me. Curtis has stepped way up and not only works nights but takes great care of me, the kids, and the house. I have amazing family and friends and co-workers who have been there for me every second I've needed them. There have been so many cards, flowers, messages, meals, favors, blessings and miracles along the way that I am overwhelmed.
Thanks for all your prayers and good thoughts. I know they make a difference. I can feel your love and concern and it is honestly what has helped me get through this stupid ordeal. I am SO anxious to find some relief from this constant pain in my head and to get back to my normal self again. It's discouraging to see all my hard work on my body disappear so quickly, but I also know that as soon as I can, I will be back to kicking butt again. I got this!!!
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