Incredibly Insightful Day - A.K.A Manic Memory Monday

It has been one of those days.  Stressed to my max and running around crazy.  Incredibly busy day at work full of tough decisions and hard conversations and just plain stress.  As I sat there at 6:15 pm (waiting for an ETL job to finish and thinking how badly I had to get to the testing center at school before it closed so I could take a test I was totally unprepared for) I ran out of the building to rush to my car just to see a very dear friend of mine also walking to his car.  Our quick chat was the perfect way to save a horrible day.  As I drove (frantically) to school I just got totally emotional as I thought about all the people at work.  I work with some really amazing people.  I love them.  I am so glad to have them in my life.  Even though my job is hard and constantly making me stress, I am so incredibly blessed with so many awesome opportunities and so many awesome people.  I owe so much to so many of them.  Wow...I'm so blessed. 

I got to school, seriously one minute before the cut off time to take my test and knew that I was not prepared for it like I should be.  I played too much over the weekend (LOVED my GNO with super cute girls (Thanks Mo and Carly) and also LOVED getting my hair done by my incredibly cute cousin, Lacey).   As I was leaving school after totally bombing my test the stress kicked in again.  I thought and thought about how much harder school is when you are 30 and have a house and kids and responsibilities opposed to when you are 20.  I kept dwelling on my life and all the bad decisions I've made and the hard truths I have learned.  I got sad and depressed and wished I could go back and do so many things over.  I realized how much the consequences of our actions NEVER just effect us.  I owe so many people huge apologies and there are many wonderful people no longer in my life because the choices I made drove them away.  So long I blamed them, but know that I am the one to blame.  Yet amidst all these sad feelings my mind yelled out...better late than never.  I might be 30 and still in college but I'm in college and how blessed am I to get to be in college and finish my education.  It is way harder, but that's my fault.  And yes I know there are certain people I love who will probably never talk to me again, but I will always love them and am thankful for even the short amounts of time I got to have them in my life.  I've learned so much and have grown so much.  I am really so blessed. 

And of course, nothing makes me happier than coming home to my kids.  Even at 9:30 at night when we are all so exhausted that the word "bed" makes the kids scream and my head pound and my patience disappear, there is still no better place in the world.  At least I get a few minutes with them and I get to kiss them and pray with them and for this moment we are all healthy.  And they are mine...for eternity.  I am so very blessed.

 Plus....It's memory Monday. 

This cute video of 22 month old Kylee dancing and singing makes me smile.  She is such a cute little person and just gets prettier, smarter, and more amazing every day. 

The final insight I had today came just as I am trying to finish this post (and with some help again from cute Lacey).  I worry so much about what people think when they read my blog.  I write and rewrite things wondering if I'm sharing too much or if I'm bragging or hurting some one's feelings or being too negative or blah, blah, blah.  I wonder if anyone cares or what I should do to make more people comment and blah, blah, blah.  And again I realize how blessed I am.  I have an analytics tool that gives me all sorts of stats about my blog and lets me know where people are logging in from and who is looking at my blog and even when you don't comment, it makes me happy to see people I love are visiting my blog.  I hope all you know how much you mean to me.  I value our friendship even if we don't talk often and love that you take the time to "visit" me.  SO THANK YOU!  I am blessed to know you! 

(How is that for an incredibly LONG post!  They won't all be like this I promise!)